


Do Not Go Gentle

by jynx



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Durin Family Feels, Implied Incest, M/M, Panic Attacks, whomping on fili
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-12
Updated: 2013-03-12
Packaged: 2017-12-05 02:45:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/717958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jynx/pseuds/jynx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fili is hurt and Kili tries to deal with the fact that his brother is not as indestructible as he had previously thought.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do Not Go Gentle

**Author's Note:**

> Hobbit Kink Meme Prompt: http://hobbit-kink.livejournal.com/5346.html?thread=10858978#t10858978
> 
> Fili gets hurt pretty badly(could be BoFA AU or not) but he’ll eventually be fine. While he sleeps, it suddenly hits Kili that his big brother isn’t indestructible and he has a panic attack which only gets worse as he tries to force himself to be quiet because he doesn't want to draw worry away from Fili.
> 
> Unbeta'd because I have none after a very long period of not writing fic...

It happened innocently enough. They had stopped to make camp and, as always, Thorin had assigned them to scout the area around them to make sure they were safe. It was a hilly plains area, full of twisty little paths and wide open nothing. Kili had spotted a area that bothered him, hills and rock thrust up high toward the sky with a path wide enough to hide almost anything short of a cave troll. Fili had smiled at Kili and gone the low route while Kili climbed the rocky hill and covered him from above.

Kili saw the warg pack a second before they attacked. He shouted loudly--the camp wasn’t terribly far away--and drew his bow to end some of the threat to his brother. Fili had drawn his swords and was fighting them off, killing two Orcs and one of the warg before an Orc’s hit brought Fili to his knees. Kili dropped his bow and grabbed his sword, throwing himself down the rocky hill and sliding down fast enough to end the Orc who had dared to hurt his brother. Fili was on his knees, holding his arm to his side, both bleeding heavily, as Kili stood in front of him, ready to defend his wounded brother to the death if need be. 

Which was when the others showed up, helping him to decimate the rest of the wargs and Orcs. Kili added two Orcs to his own kill list even as he stayed by Fili’s side, doing whatever he could to protect him and stop him from further injury. Only once all the foul creatures were dead did Kili drop to his knees beside Fili and look him over.

“I’m fine, brother,” Fili said weakly, smiling through the pain.

Kili shook his head. Fili was anything but fine if the sweat on his brow and on his upper lip were anything to go by. Kili gently moved Fili’s arm away from his side, noticing that the arm had also been badly hurt, and helped move his heavy coat out of the way. The leather itself was badly damaged. What gave Kili pause and grabbed his heart in an icy vise was the blood. Most of Fili’s tunic was saturated with it, from his side down to the top of his breeches, and it was still sluggishly flowing from the wound as Kili examined it. It was clean, or as clean a wound as it could be, not having done anything more than go deep and slice. It wasn’t ragged and it did not look like there was any Orc poison in it, but he couldn’t be positive.

“It’s fine,” Fili said again, his voice firmer.

“Forgive me if I don’t take your word for it when you’re near to bleeding out on me,” Kili said before putting taking his own coat off and using it to put pressure on the wound. He knew enough to keep pressure on the wound to try and slow the flow of blood until he could get someone with more healing knowledge than him to look at it. He glanced at the rest of the company and shouted for Thorin when he could see the rest of them were paying them no mind.

“Kili,” Thorin said as he came over. “What...”

“Fili’s been injured. Wound looks deep but clean. I don’t think there was any poison but he is bleeding badly, Uncle,” Kili said.

“I told him I was fine,” Fili said, slowly lifting his uninjured hand and using it to ruffle Kili’s hair.

“Yes, that’s why you’re sitting in a puddle of blood and look paler than mithril,” Kili snapped.

Thorin turned and shouted for Oin as he knelt next to Fili and took stock of his injured arm. “It is deep and it looks like the bone might be broken. Fili, you are not fine.”

“See?” Kili said, keeping the pressure against his brother’s side. Blood was starting to seep through, staining Kili’s hands red with his brother’s blood. “I’m not just overreacting.”

“Yes you are,” Fili said, leaving his hand on Kili’s head. “I’ve been hurt worse before.”

Kili narrowed his eyes at that but kept his mouth shut. He would not ask. He would not think about it. He didn’t want to think about when Fili might have been so badly hurt without Kili knowing. They were near inseparable. The only time they were ever apart was when Thorin swept in to take Fili with him for months on end to learn about what it meant to be a king, meeting their people and doing whatever kingly duties they saw needed doing. Kili spent those months at the forge, or hunting, being productive and missing his other half with all his might. Fili had always returned from those months fine, smiling and cheerful, bringing little things he either had found or bought that he knew Kili would enjoy. 

Never had he come back injured. Never had he...but no. That wasn’t right. Sometimes there were new scars, or half-healed minor wounds but Fili had always brushed them off. He and Thorin camped more than they stayed in inns and the wilds were always dangerous. Scars and wounds were to be expected. Kili had never paid them any mind before and now he wished he had.

Fili tugged on Kili’s hair. “I’m fine,” he said again, trying to catch Kili’s eyes to reassure him.

Kili shook his head and moved out of the way as Oin came to look. He stood off a little to the side and watched as Oin pulled Kili’s coat free and assessed the wound. Oin proclaimed Fili’s wounds to be free of poison. There was a flurry of activity as water was brought to clean the wound and then herbs, linen for bandages, and thread and needle for stitching. Thorin released Fili’s arm at Oin’s gesture and stood, making his way through the rest of the company and ordering them back to camp to make a litter to carry Fili with.

“Your brother will be fine,” Thorin said, clapping Kili on the shoulder. “You did right.”

Kili shook his head at his uncle. What he had done wasn’t what mattered. What mattered was that Fili had been hurt, badly hurt, and apparently not for the first time. Fili was acting as if all of this was normal, him being badly hurt enough that his arm was likely broken and that bleeding out all over the grass and his brother’s hands was nothing to comment on.

“How many times?” Kili asked, only just noticing how much of Fili’s blood was on his hands. It was under his nails, staining his gloves, covering his fingers.

Thorin was silent for a moment before sighing. “He’s been hurt worse than this four times. It’s been at least a ten-year since the last time but there are always minor scuffles.” Kili nodded slowly. “Your brother has always survived, Kili. He has survived worse and will survive this. He defended him and got him help as soon as you could. You did right.”

Kili growled lightly at that and walked back towards camp. There was a small stream there, the reason they had stopped, and would be a good place to clean his hands. The rest of the company left him alone as he stalked through them toward the water. There were some pitying looks and some nods of acknowledgement, even an attempted smile or two as he passed. Dwalin only glanced at him and shook his head. He knew how his manner was being perceived by the rest. Everyone thought he felt guilty for letting Fili get hurt in the first place, that he’d raised the alarm late enough that he’d allowed Fili to get hurt.

That wasn’t the problem. No, that wasn’t the issue at all. Kili had done right, He’d raised the alarm as soon as he could and fought back the enemy with the weapon he was best with. When he’d noticed his brother go down he had gotten down there and protected him from further injury. It was right. It was how he was taught. He hadn’t done anything wrong; he knew it, Fili knew it, Thorin knew it, the company knew it. 

The problem was that Kili had never had to face the very real thought that Fili was not invincible. There was a very real possibility that he might die, on this quest or just in general. Fili was brave and he fought with everything he had, up close and personal with all of his many blades. Kili always loved watching Fili fight, the way he moved with his blades, as if they were all apart of him. But it wasn’t enough. Being so close meant that the enemy had more of a chance of hurting Fili, possibly killing him, and Kili could not bear the thought.

Kili cleaned his hands carefully, rinsing his skin before pulling off his gloves and submerging them in the water. He watches as the water pinked lightly, swirling around the leather, before being washed downstream and away from him.

::::

Kili sat by his brother’s side as he slept throughout the night, ignoring all conversation or attempts to distract him. He vaguely recalled the hobbit trying to get him to eat something and being rude enough to made Bilbo flinch and leave him alone for the duration. Thorin had shaken his head at him but left Fili to Kili, sure in the knowledge that if anything were to change Kili would rouse them all. 

Kili kept himself busy with Fili’s hair. He had unbraided his brother’s braids and worked at rebraiding them slowly, carefully. It was important, Kili thought, that Fili’s hair be in order. That was the way they were. Fili was the presentable, orderly one and Kili was the wild one with no braids and his hair often knotted from streaming loose behind him. Fili had told him once how much he loved it, always having to brush it out and neaten his brother up.

What would happen if Fili was no longer there to do that for him? How could he go on if FIli wasn’t there? Fili was everything. And here he was, lying on the cold ground of the forest, wrapped tight with bandages that he was still slightly bleeding through. It wasn’t right. Fili wasn’t meant to be injured. He wasn’t meant to be hurt. He was meant to be indestructible, invincible, to always be there no matter what. Kili was the one who got hurt so that FIli didn’t. What would happen next time? Maybe Kili wouldn’t be there to protect his brother next time. Maybe FIli would die because of that. Kili shook his head, hair whipping around his face. No. No, that couldn’t happen. No, Fili wasn’t going to die. He couldn’t.

Kili had to stop and restart the braid he was working on several times as his hands started to shake. He tried to take a calming breath but his breath shuddered through him as he began to shake from head to toe. He let go of FIli’s hair, not wanting to accidentally pull on his brother’s hair or wake him. Kili curled his hands around his knees and closed his eyes. He needed to think about something else, something not about Fili.

But that was the problem, wasn’t it? His whole world was Fili. Without Fili... Kili could feel himself beginning to panic, his arms feeling weak and shaky and his throat closing tightly around a gasp for air. He shook his head, doing his best to keep quiet as he shook. He couldn’t breathe, his throat so tight, and his head was throbbing. He tried to gasp, to get breath into his body as the urge to run, to flee, to get away from everything overtook him. It was so strong that Kili almost couldn’t understand why he was still kneeling next to his brother and not tearing through the trees. He kept his eyes tightly closed, trying desperately not to make a noise as he struggled to breathe, to calm himself. Fili needed to rest. He had to protect Fili.

He needed to breathe. He couldn’t breathe. He opened his eyes and looked up at the sky as he gasped quietly, his vision darkening just the slightest as his vision began to blur and swim.

“Kili,” Fili said quietly, taking one of Kili’s hands in his uninjured one and tugging gently. “C’mere. Down with me, little brother.”

Kili slumped to the side, his legs straightening as he turned to press himself into Fili’s good side. He buried his head against Fili’s chest, feeling the solid chest under him move with each breath his brother took.

“With me, Kee, okay? Breathe with me. In and out,” Fili murmured, curling his arm under Kili’s neck to stroke his hair in the same way he breathed. Kili squeezed his eyes closed, letting Fili’s words wash over him as he breathed with his brother. Slowly, oh so slowly, the panic began to recede and Kili could breathe easier. Fili murmured soft words of encouragement, pressing kisses to Kili’s brow. When Kili’s breathing was easy and matched Fili’s deep, even breaths his brother hummed in soft approval. “There we go,” he said softly. “All better.”

Kili clung to him tightly, making sure to avoid jostling his wounds. “Fee...”

“I’m fine,” FIli said. “I told you I was. Thorin would never let anything happen to me and you know Oin, can’t hear for anything but he is very good at making sure people stay together in one piece.”

“You never... I couldn’t...”

“I’m not going anywhere,” FIli said. “You’ll not be rid of me that quick, brother.”

Kili moved away enough that he could tilt his head to kiss Fili desperately. “Don’t leave me. Don’t...please. I couldn’t--”

“Shh,” Fili murmured, kissing Kili silent. “I’m fine. This will heal. It will pass. I am here, with you, alive.”

Kili kissed him, his hands sliding into the hair he’d work so hard to keep neat and perfect only twenty minutes past. Fili chuckled against his lips and returned the kiss with interest, keeping Kili grounded the only way he could out under the stars with eleven other dwarves and a hobbit only mere feet away from them.


End file.
